Sleepy to IPFW

I saw Liz Murray (of "Homeless to Harvard" fame) tonight and she talked a lot about the daily choice between what we're supposed to do and what we want to do. For me, this manifests itself lately between going to work and sleeping. The earliest class I have is at 3pm, and usually I'm ready to get up by then. It's not that I don't like my job. It's simple and easy and my bosses are lifelong family friends. It's an ideal situation. I honestly don't know why it's so hard for me to get out of bed and go there, but I do recognize that I am not like Liz Murray. Faced with her situation, I have no doubt that I would be dead. I don't have that internal motivation, that thing that makes you go forward. I suppose that's how I ended up at IPFW, a place even my mother puts down and calls "Bypass High." I've been making a lot of noise lately about grad school, but who knows if I'll really do it. If I manage to motivate myself to apply, that will be a major accomplishment. I can blame my thyroid and remind people that depression and fatigue are common symptoms and since Dr. Beyer took me off the medication, there is nothing standing between me and these symptoms. But the fact remains that we need money and I am so racked with guilt when I call in sick that I can't sleep anyway. If Lifetime made my life into a movie, it would be called "Sleepy to IPFW" and it would be about half an hour long and someone superglamorous would play my sister, the foil who provides the comparison so that viewers get just how stagnant I am.